Shadows of a Heart
by KaseyDaaeChamberlain
Summary: The war was over and Voldemort dead. All should be well, but the Wizarding World's very own Saviour can't move on. His problems soon pile up and his mind may just snap any day. He needs someone to save him before he succumbs to the shadows of his heart but will it be too late?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys! I've actually been on Fanfiction for quite a while now, and this isn't my real account. So, anyway, a friend recently came up to me and offered to teach me how to upload stories onto Fanfiction (I was too lazy to find out on my own). So, here it is! Chapter 1 of my very first story! I hope you like it and please drop me a review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Prologue**

Everything was perfect, as it should have been. The wars were fought, the good side won, everyone was happy. Everyone except him.

He was their Saviour, their Chosen One. He had spent seventeen years of his life, give or take, trying to defeat Voldemort and his Death Eaters. When the battle was won, he thought it would all be over-the pain, the hurt, the darkness inside of him. He could not have been more wrong. Even after seeing his enemy fall dead to the ground, the shadows of his past would always haunt him.

He was Harry Potter.

**Chapter 1**

"Harry, wake up!" A familiar voice shouted. "YOU BLOODY FOOL, GET OUT OF BED!"

With a loud groan, Harry Potter stretched on his bed and opened his emerald eyes slowly. "Ron?" he muttered, rubbing his eyes. "Why are you in my room?"

He opened his eyes once more to see his red-haired best friend glare down at him from where he stood. "It's two in the afternoon, Sleeping Beauty. What on earth were you doing last night? You were sleeping like the dead!"

At the word 'dead', Harry flinched. He quickly covered it with a yawn, hoping Ron wouldn't notice. He was lucky. The ginger was walking around Harry's room, drawing curtains and peering at the view outside.

"Hey, it's a beautiful day. Hermione and I are planning to go to the park and meet up with Ginny, want to come along?" Ron asked him with a smile. Harry hesitated. It had been half a year since he had killed Voldemort, but he still had nightmares about the war. Frankly, he didn't want to go anywhere at all. He just wanted to hide from the world who surely wanted a piece of their Chosen One. However, he did not want to worry his friends. They had their own lives and he could not mess theirs up any further. For now, he would pretend he was perfectly all right until he really was fine.

"Sure. When are we going?" Harry asked, stumbling out of bed and making his way to the toilet.

"Now."

A warm pair of arms wrapped around his waist the very moment Ron and Harry Apparated into the park. Harry actually staggered back with the force of the hug. He was about to panic when he recognized the brown-haired girl hugging him. "Hermione!" he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around her thin shoulders.

After a while, Hermione Granger drew back from the hug, grinning up at her best friend. It had been two months since she had seen him. She had been really busy lately helping out at the Ministry, assisting Kingsley. The Minister was restoring peace to the Wizarding World and Hermione had immediately volunteered to help out. Although things in the Wizarding World were better now, she still needed to help out a little more before things would go back to normal. Also, she had to explain things to her very confused and enraged parents after she tracked them down and restored their memories. Thus she had little time on her hands.

Upon gazing into Harry's green eyes, Hermione frowned. She could sense something was up with Harry. His disheveled, tired state told her that much. Briefly, she wondered why Ron had not noticed this. But then again, Ron was Ron, the ignorant pig. How would he have spotted anything being the… guy he was?

She brushed her worries off for a second, placing a smile on her face. "I know you want some peace and quiet, so I put the regular charms around this spot- no wizard nor Muggle would be able to see or hear us," she told Harry as she used her wand to prepare the picnic. "It'll be just the three of us, like old times," she added.

Harry smiled gratefully at her as he sat down on the blue picnic mat. For an hour, the trio talked merrily while munching on the snacks Hermione had brought along. Then Ron had to leave to visit his mother. After waving him goodbye with promises to go to the Burrow in another hour, Hermione grew serious.

"Harry, I know something's up with you. Are you ok?" she asked him gently, placing her hand over his. Harry sighed. Of course he could not escape the questions of the observant Hermione Granger. "I'm fine, I guess. It's just… hard." She sighed in sympathy, "Of course it's hard but we can go through this. I believe that we will have a happy future." He smiled at her, a small smile that quickly disappeared. "I know," he said softly.

Hermione patted his hand before standing. "C'mon, help me pack up, I want to see Molly. I've really missed her cooking," she said, turning to close the empty Tupperwear boxes.

Harry sighed. How long was he going to lie to everyone, himself included? It was never going to be alright.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello Chapter 2. Thanks to everyone who is following this story and those who have reviewed. It means a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Chapter 2**

His heart was racing in his chest, pumping painfully against his ribcage. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, a sick rhythm that caused sweat to trickle down his face.

"Harry, are you ok?" Hermione asked him, laying a hand on his forearm. They were standing in front of the Burrow. "You don't look too great," she added, a concerned look passing over her features. Harry took a deep breath and tried to gather himself. "I'm fine. Maybe I haven't been getting enough sleep or something," he muttered, trying to placate Hermione.

Something had happened when he looked at the Burrow. An unwanted, unwelcome image had flickered into his mind- an image of Fred Weasley with the jovial expression on his freckled face as he died in the Hogwarts Battle. Pain and guilt wrecked his weary body. If only he had acted faster, if only he had been more observant, he could have prevented Fred's death.

Hermione smiled gently at him, assuming he was fine. "Let's go in, Harry." She took his hand and led him into the cottage, not noticing the brief pain that flickered across his emerald orbs.

"Harry, my dear!" exclaimed Molly Weasley as she saw Harry. She immediately reached out and drew him into a hug full of motherly warmth. He once again felt a pang of pain. How could she still hug him when knowing he was the cause of Fred's death? He should not even be here. After a while, she let him go and ushered him to their dinner table. All the Weasleys were there-except Fred, of course. He scrutinized their faces closely while avoiding their eyes. They all seemed welcoming but he was sure they were cursing him in their hearts. He wouldn't blame them. After all, he deserved it.

His gaze lingered on Ginny. She was even prettier than he remembered. It had been several months since he had seen her. The last time he had seen her was after the Battle and that was it. He avoided contacting her after that. He told Ron to tell her that he needed time to rest after the Battle. Rumor has it that Ginny was dating some Muggle she met a few months back and Harry could not feel happier for her. He did not deserve her, He did not deserve anyone.

He was startled out of his melancholy thoughts when a familiar voice said, "Hey, Harry, are you going to eat or not? I mean, you're just staring at us like some freaky stalker. I appreciate the extra attention but I just don't swing that way." He glanced in the direction of the voice, freezing when he saw that it was none other than George.

_Flashback_

_"You actually are joking, Perce... I don't think I've heard you joke since you were–" _

_And then a green light hit the redhead square in the chest. A smile was still on his face, his eyes still full of laughter. Fred Weasley was still smiling as he fell dead to the ground._

_Falling, falling…_

Harry blinked several times, trying to blink the image away. He felt light-headed and unwell. What right did he have to be in the same room as the Weasleys? He could have saved Fred but he had been too dumb to do so. He had put their son, Ron, through hell and yet here they were, smiling at him as if he was their savior. He wasn't. He was a cruel, selfish man.

He had to leave.

"I-I'm sorry, but I think… I feel unwell. I have to go," he murmured, turning to leave. A hand stopped him. "Are you alright?" asked Charlie. Harry felt another pang of guilt. "I'm fine. I think I might be ill with something. I'll just go home and rest. I'm sure I'll be fine in no time." With that, he gently shook of Charlie's arm and walked out of the house.

"I wonder if he's really fine…"mused Arthur Weasley. "He's fine, dad. It might be the bug or something. He was fine this afternoon," reassured Ron.

How wrong all of them were.

Later that night, Harry Potter lay awake on his bed. He was staring at the ceiling above him. He could not sleep. He could not close his eyes. If he were to do either, images and flashbacks would haunt him. Nightmares would slowly eat him alive. He could not bear to go through those horrors again.

However, soon, his body won his heart. He needed rest and sleep. His eyes slid close.

He was in a dark room. He could not see where he was. Was he blind? Had he forgotten his glasses again? No, they were on the bridge of his nose. So why couldn't he see anything?

"Harry…" a voice said. "Harry, you let him kill me."

He spun towards the voice, his heart pumping furiously with the symphony of a million drums. He tried to shout out but found that he had no voice. What was going on?

"You are heartless… you let him kill me. Why did you insist on me taking the Cup, too? If you had not insisted, I would still be alive and happy. Cho wouldn't have gone through so much pain."

The voice surely belonged to Cedric. Harry felt tears of fear and pain well up in his eyes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me. His mouth formed words that were not spoken.

"Are you apologizing, Harry? How foolish of you. Apologies won't make me come back to life now wont it?" The voice, full of bitter resentment, mocked.

"Do you remember what he said, Harry? He said 'Kill the spare'. Do you think you are that great, Harry Potter? Do you know how many people died just because they were 'spares', too? Look at the great, noble Harry Potter now! You are not our Saviour. You are our murderer."

Harry saw flashes of green and red light. He heard countless voices yelling "Avarda Kedavra" and "Crucio". He could hear voices screaming and shouting for help that would not come. And above it all, he heard it as clear as day- a cold, high-pitched cruel laugh.

Harry woke from his nightmare with a start. His heart was palpitating in his chest like it was about to explode. Rivulets of sweat poured down his body. He sat up straight, looking around him wildly for Cedric. There was no one. Slowly, he huddled into his pillows, gasping for breath. Tears flowed down his face.

He had caused so many deaths. He was a murderer.

A/N: That was intense. Well, I hoped it was. Please leave a review! Oh and BTW I'm considering writing two other stories. They will be crossovers of Percy Jackson and Twilight while the other would be Harry Potter and Twilight. What do you guys think? However, I won't write those until I'm at Chapter 5 or something for Shadows. So tell me what you think in a review! Love you guys!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Chapter 3**

It had been three weeks since he went to the Burrow.

If you asked anyone, they would all say that Harry Potter was doing wonderfully. He had joined the Auror team just a fortnight ago and they had welcomed him with open arms. His supervisors frequently complimented him, saying he was a ''dedicated, respectful young man''. His co-workers were in awe of his quick reflexes, intelligence, bravery and excellent wand work. His friends were supportive of him and thought he was living the life he deserved- a happy and peaceful one. They did not mind him being constantly busy since he seemed to be enjoying his job. Besides, he would send them letters full of cheerful words. He refused to answer to interviews and fan mail and everyone good-naturedly blamed it on his modesty and shyness.

However, that happened in the day.

At night, when the sun hides her glowing face from the world and the moon glimmers in the dark sky, Harry would go home, his body exhausted from the a full day of work. Although his body was tired, his mind was not. It was scared and depressed. He would lie down and toss and turn, his eyes wide open, his heart pumping. Then weariness would settle in and his eyes would close against his own will.

That was when the nightmares would come.

He had them every night. All of the nightmares were pretty similar, with people he had condemned to die for him appearing to talk to him. They all had one thing in common though: the word ''murderer'' resounding from their lips and the dreadfully familiar cold, high-pitched laughter that echoed in his ears when he woke up, perspiring and panting.

Somewhere deep in his heart, Harry knew he had to talk to someone about his nightmares. It was not healthy to keep so many emotions bottled up. The problem was, who could he tell? What if the news spread? Besides, he was sure that all his friends would say was that he was overreacting and being silly. After all, he saved them, right?

Harry scoffed at the thought. He was no Saviour.

One Tuesday morning, Harry had just gotten out of bed and was in his bathroom washing up when suddenly his bathroom door slid open.

He was so stunned that he choked on the toothbrush in his mouth and then spat it out, wiping his mouth furiously with a towel before he gasped hoarsely, "What are you doing here? How did you get past my wards?" He had set up enchantments outside his home so anyone who visited him would be stopped ten feet away from his front door. Only close friends were given the spell to counter-act the enchantment and enter at their own will. He had set the wards up to prevent unwanted visitors like the annoying Rita Skeeter or the fans that were determined to catch a glimpse of him. However, he clearly remembered that he had not given Luna or her fiancé Neville the counteractive spell.

Luna Lovegood stared at him, a surprised look on her face. "There were wards? I didn't even notice them! I picked the lock and invited myself in, but there were no wards. Or maybe your wards were affected by Torcarz. They're peculiar yet powerful flies that can damage any kind of magical ward. Many people claim they're not real but then again no one can see them unless the are wearing the Marfedder glasses."

Harry opened his mouth and then closed it with an audible snap. He was not going to ask. He'll probably be too confused.

"So, um, can you wait in the living room while I, uh, get dressed?" Harry muttered. He was only dressed in a towel around his waist but that did not really seem to bother Luna. She nodded and left.

Fifteen minutes later, Harry joined Luna on the couch. "Look, I have work today, so is it ok if I see you on a weekend? I have a very tight schedule." She batted her large eyes at him. "I'm afraid not, Harry. I have some very important news to tell you, actually. Trust me, it won't take too long. Besides, no one would really mind if you were late for work. You're Harry Potter, after all." He stifled a groan. Did she really have to say that? He was getting quite irritated. So what if he was Harry Potter? He brought everyone harm. "Well, I do have to go. I really don't want to be late. See you on Saturday and please don't break my wards again," he said brusquely, getting up to leave.

He was just at the door when he heard her say, "Don't you ever feel guilty?"

His hand froze on the doorknob, shock running through his numb body. He spun around a bit clumsily and demanded, "What?"

Luna looked up at him, and he could see the intelligence in her eyes. "You feel guilty, don't you? You think that everyone who died in the Battle died because of you. You feel guilty because you think you could have prevented many deaths had you been smarter or quicker. That's why you push everyone away. That's why you have nightmares. Glamours on dark eye bags don't work on me, Harry. After all, I do own a pair of Marfedder glasses. They can see Torcarz and see through Glamours." A smile flitted across her pale lips. "I'm afraid you can't fool me, Harry Potter."

Harry was stunned. How did she know? Did anyone realize it too, like her?

"Here's the thing I wanted to give you, Harry. It's a wedding invitation. Neville and I are getting married next month. He's hoping you can be his Best Man. I told him I would deliver it because I wanted to talk to you."

There was a pause.

"Harry, I'll take up that offer and see you on Saturday. I'm supposed to meet Neville in half an hour. Goodbye and take care." Luna gave him a warm smile like nothing had happened and left, closing the door quietly behind her.

He closed his eyes as pain went through his body like a lightning bolt.

Suddenly, a beautiful red rose flew towards him. He watched it as one by one, its petals withered and turned into ashes. Then, from the ashes rose a phoenix that became strips of gold ribbon. Wedding bells rang as the ribbons danced in the air for a while before forming the words.

_Mr Harry Potter is cordially invited to attend Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood's wedding._

Underneath were the details. After that, the gold ribbons twisted around each other to form a… flask?

He grabbed the flask and turned it around. There was a slip of paper stuck to it that said:

_Here is a Sleeping Potion. I'm sure you have tried several and they do not work, so here is one I brewed for you. Perhaps it would work. Have a good rest. Love, Luna._

Harry clutched the flask to his chest and for the first time in what seemed like centuries, he genuinely smiled.

A/N: Hey everyone! I gave you a really sad chapter last time so I thought I'll give you a slightly happier one this time. Don't you just love Luna? I know I do! Oh and who knows the movie Death Note? I watched it again (all 3 movies) and cried twice. What can I say? I'm a major fan. BTW who also knows Reborn! ? I'm watching it but I'm still at episode 35. Anyway, thank you to all of you who are following my story and if you can, drop me a review and tell me what you think! Love you all!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 4**

It was a cold, bitter evening. The wind whipped at everyone's clothes and faces, causing people to huddle tighter into their warm winter clothing or draw their sweaters closer to their bodies. The ground could no longer be seen, having been covered by a huge blanket of pure white snow.

As cold as the weather could have been, it could not dampen anyone's mood. Children were running about making snow angels or throwing snowballs, laughing and giggling, their cheeks tinged red from joy or the cold. Mothers could be seen smiling fondly at their children, offering them hot beverages and love. Fathers were talking to each other, chuckling at their children's' antics.

It wasn't Christmas yet but everyone was still having fun in the snow.

He walked past the happy families, his face partially hidden by the collars of his coat. He strode quickly and firmly, not once stopping to glance at the children or their families. If anyone bothered to look closer, they would have seen that behind those round glasses were brilliant green orbs that were red with dark circles under them. They would have seen the tears that welled there and slid down his numb cheeks. They would have seen the despair and pain in his eyes.

They would have seen Harry Potter, a shadow of who he used to be.

As he walked further, the sounds of the happy families faded away into the background. It soon became quiet, eerily quiet. His tears were flowing faster now.

He spotted it and slowed his pace, the grief tearing through his body like hyenas would do to their prey. He reached out and traced the engravings on the tombstone.

The tombstones of his parents.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, his breath a white puff in the air. He waved his wand and a bouquet of lilies appeared in his hand. He laid it down, his vision blurring as more tears came. "I'm sorry for being such a horrible son."

Suddenly, he felt a hand touch his arm gently. He looked up only to see Luna staring at him with concern flickering in her pale orbs. "Harry, this isn't necessary. If it hurts too much we can come again another time." Luna had suggested that they try visiting the graves of his parents to see if it would give him some form of closure. Hence Harry and Luna went to his parents' graves after lunch.

He was rather surprised that he had showed up on Saturday to meet up with Luna. They both ate lunch quietly before Luna had voiced the suggestion. He was even more surprised when he heard himself agree.

Harry shook his head, indicating that he wanted to stay for just a while more. So Luna placed her warm arm around his shoulders, trying to comfort him as he sobbed quietly, letting his tears fall onto the snow.

"Do you honestly think you're at fault?" Luna asked gently as an hour later they were both sitting in a small Muggle café. Harry cradled the cup of hot chocolate in his hands for a moment before shrugging. Honestly, he did not know.

"I can tell that you think you're at fault. That's a really stupid notion, Harry," Luna said ambiguously before raising her cup of coca to her lips. Harry muttered his voice hoarse, "Is it really a stupid notion? I asked them to fight when I shouldn't have. I should have just tried to defeat Voldemort on my own without putting so many lives at stake. It was incredibly cruel and selfish of me."

Luna stared at him blankly for several minutes. Harry wondered if she even understood what he was saying. Just as he was about to repeat himself, she giggled.

"Why are you laughing?" Harry winced at how petulant his voice sounded. He seemed like some whiny brat asking for candy.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to. It's just that… Harry, no one fought in the Battle for you. They did it for everyone else, for a better future. They made the choice and they knew what the consequences were. It was never your fault," she said, reaching out to stroke his clenched fists gently.

There was a silence.

"I think you're just trying to placate me," Harry said in a muted voice. After all, if Harry had not been so weak, no one would have volunteered to help him. If only he had been stronger then perhaps no one would have to risk their lives just to help.

Luna sat back in the chair, a look of pain crossing her pale features. She knew it was going to be hard trying to make Harry see the truth, but she did not expect it to be this hard. He was clearly set on blaming himself on everything. She had done all that she could. The rest was up to Harry to figure out. Sometimes, you just had to fight your demons on your own before you could be at peace with yourself. That was a lesson Luna had learnt when her mother died.

She rose from her chair. "Harry, I've said my piece. I think I should go. I hope to see you at my wedding." With that, she left the green-eyed boy alone, to his own devices.

She hesitated at the door of the café. Was she doing the right thing, leaving him alone like this? Or should she try to talk to him more? No, it was clear that only Harry himself could make himself see the truth. She had already helped him with the first job was done., The rest of the painful journey was for him to take.

She closed her eyes briefly before whispering, "I hope you can one day see how wrong you are, Harry Potter."

Harry sat on his bed late that night, his mind simply aching from all the questions whirling around in it like a vicious tornado. He was so tired. Tired of everything.

He slumped down on his bed before getting up again. He began to pace, as he normally did when he was fed up, and thought long and hard about what Luna said. Was she speaking the truth or just trying to make him believe he was not at fault? Should he belive her? What should he do next?

With a groan, he threw himself on his bed once more, ignoring the springs that creaked in protest. He took a pillow and threw it over his face, trying to block out his headache. What was he doing anyway? This was ridiculous.

He closed his eyes and soon he began to dream…

**A/N: Eek! Sorry for taking so long to update, I was suffering from a huge case of writer's block! Sorry! Anyway, I was wondering if you guys could leave me a review? I would be so happy if you did! I really want to know your opinion of my story so I can improve… Oh and kisses to those who reviewed or put my story on alert. Thanks guys! Have a great day! Ciao!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey everybody! I'm really tired now (yawns) although it's just past 11pm… I have no idea why I'm so tired. Anyway, HUGE thank yous to those who reviewed or put my story on alert. Can I ask for an early Christmas gift? Please leave reviews… I feel kind of discouraged when I see the number of views of my story but my reviews are like nonexistent. I just want you guys to tell me what you feel about my story. You'll make me deliriously happy if you leave a review so please do! *puppy eyes* **

**Also, I posted another fanfic recently! It's called A New Story, have any of you read it? It's also a Harry Potter fic, a one-shot though. Read it and leave me a review please!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 5**

_Wake up._

_Wake up._

_Wake up._

He awoke with a gasp, jet-black hair damp with sweat, brilliant green orbs shining with tears. His heart was pounding furiously once more, slamming against his chest so painfully he was almost sure it would leap put and fall to the floor.

His nightmares were still haunting him.

They would vary from time to time, but they all had one thing in common. They would leave his scared, afraid and guilt-stricken.

_Murderer…_

Harry took several deep breaths, trying to pace himself. After about fifteen breaths, he swung his legs shakily off the bed. His clammy hands groped for his spectacles on his bedside table and he promptly shoved them onto his nose.

Time for another day at work.

After meeting up with Luna, Harry had not really felt better. For a moment there, he almost believed her, but then he realized that he was lying to himself if he would really believe her. He appreciated her efforts, though. He did not try to contact her after their day out, and she had not tried talking to him about the issue either. When they did talk, it was always about the wedding. He was Neville's Best Man, after all.

It was almost two weeks to the wedding and everyone was in a frenzy. He went to work five times a week and then helped out as much as he could with the preparations during the weekends. He was always tired but that never stopped the nightmares from haunting him. It was painful and cruel of him to talk so casually to the others helping out with the wedding- the Weasleys, Hermione, etc- when he knew that almost all of them had lost someone dear to them all because of him. However, he maintained a cool façade and warm demeanor around them. He did not want anyone to worry. Besides, he was sure that they would not bother to help him with the nightmares. Not that he could blame them. They definitely were acting nice to him because they were under the delusion that he had saved them all. The thought alone made him cringe.

Harry entered the office, briefcase in hand, a coffee in the other. "Harry!" greeted Ron with a grin on his freckled face. Harry gave him a small smile as he sat his briefcase down and sat on his chair, facing the large amount of paperwork in front of him

Being an Auror was not a totally physical job as everyone believed. Most Aurors had to go through huge amounts of paperwork concerning the potential threat someone had and everything. For example, even though the war had ended and majority of the Death Eaters had been rounded up, quite a few Death Eaters were still on the run and missing. A list of all the missing Death Eaters had been compiled and given out accordingly to the most competent of Aurors for the Aurors to track down and throw into Azkaban.

There was also paperwork on the Dark creatures Voldemort and his Death Eaters had set loose in the school during the Hogworts Battle. Aurors had to memorise the decriptions of the animals and hunt them down before bringing them back to the department where they handled dangerous beasts.

"So what's our mission for today?" asked Harry as he sipped his warm beverage while flipping through the stack of paper almost absent-mindedly. Ron grinned, "It's a challenging one, that's for sure. Looks like a Death Eater by the name of Adam Kaine tried to sneak other Death Eaters out of Azkaban last week. He failed and was spotted by a patrolling Auror who immediately reported to Headquarters before chasing after him. However, Kaine managed to escape and he was last spotted in Italy. We are given three days to track him down, capture him and chuck him here for investigations."

Harry's fingers stilled as he let the information sink in.

His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar platinum blond. "Potter, Weasley, Greg and I here are going to hunt down those nasty giants that appeared in the battle. We have a group of about twenty in the mountains trying to subdue them but since they're having trouble, we have to leave for two weeks to help. See you."

Harry glanced up from the papers to see a tall and handsome platinum blond leaning over the divider to talk to Harry. Storm grey eyes met green ones with a smirk playing on the blonde's pale lips.

"Sure, Malfoy. See you. Good luck with the mission," said Harry.

Draco Malfoy was now an Auror. Several people protested and requested for the ex-Slytherin to be thrown into Azkaban but Harry put in a good word for Draco, effectively quieting down the unease. After all, Draco had been forced into doing missions for Voldemort. It certainly was not by choice. After spending so long in an office together and going to a few missions together, Harry trusted the pureblood. Ron was slightly reluctant to warm up to the man and their relationship was slightly strained but better than it had been in Hogworts, at least.

Ron grunted in response, jerking his head without looking at Malfoy. Draco, used to Ron's tenacity, snickered lightly before leaving the office with a brown-haired man.

"Git," the redhead muttered under his breath.

Harry used his coffee cup to hide his almost-smile.

"Take a look at Adam Kaine's profile and memorize it before we leave in half an hour," Ron told Harry before going to his own desk.

Harry searched through the papers before pulling the papers out. He scrutinized it carefully, trying to submit every detail to memory.

Adam Kaine had been a student at Durmstrang and was from a pureblood family who had been involved with Voldemort. They were not in his inner circle of Death Eaters, but rather devoted to their Dark Lord anyway. Adam became a Death Eater at the age of twenty-two, and had served Voidemort for eight years. He was a rather tall man with a muscular build, close-cropped blond hair and black eyes.

Half an hour later, Harry and Ron made their way to a Floo fireplace. They Floo'd to a small motel in Italy, where they stashed what little belongings they had before taking out their wands.

"So Auror Mark already placed a Tracking spell on Kaine, huh? That should make things easier for us," mused Ron. Auror Mark would have received this mission but since he was injured by Kaine while chasing after him, he was now in St Mungo's, recovering from a nasty Dark hex.

Harry nodded before twirling his wand in a complicated pattern. "Bring out the water please."

Ron placed a small metal basin on the floor and filled it with water. Harry pointed his wand on it and concentrated hard on Kaine's face in his mind before murmuring a spell. "_Trackus Kaine_," he said clearly, and watched as a thin stream of black light come out of his wand and enter the water.

The water soon grew dark and murky before settling into a reflection of a dark alleyway. Harry and Ron could distinctly make out a figure limping down the alley. It was clear that this man had been injured.

"Kaine." There was no trace of a doubt in Ron's voice.

Harry nodded grimly. "Let's go," he urged before placing a finger on the water's still surface, with Ron doing the same a second or so after the brunet.

A few seconds later, Harry and Ron landed on their feet in the alleyway.

The spell that they had used had been created by one of the best Aurors-now retired- and it certainly was useful.

Harry breathed a quiet sigh of relief when he noticed Kaine, who was fifteen feet in front of them, did not seem to realize he was no longer alone in the dark alley. He hastily cast a Disillusionment Charm over Ron and himself before the two of them crept towards the Death Eater, wands at the ready.

The distance between Kaine and the two Aurors decreased significantly until they were mere inches from Kaine.

Harry rose his wand, preparing to utter the Body-Binding curse when suddenly Kaine spun around, waving his wand in an arc.

Kaine's spell broke Harry's and Ron's Disillusionment Charms and Kaine's eyes widened. Both brunet and redhead cursed under their breaths, Looks like someone was prepared.

Kaine instantly fired hexes and curses at the two Aurors while running away. He could not Disapparate, thanks to the spell that Ron had cast earlier.

Jets of light streamed out of all three wands and collided with each other head on. Harry and Ron chased after the man, dodging and firing spells at the Death Eater flawlessly. However, the chase was taking far longer than they had anticipated. They had underestimated Kaine's magical abilities.

"_Stupefy!" _

"_Expelliarmus!"_

Harry and Ron cried out in unision, backing Kaine into a corner-the alleyway led to a dead end.

Kaine's eyes widened as his wand flew straight into Harry's palm and as the red light hit in straight in his chest. He fell, unconscious.

"Good work, partner," Harry complimented Ron ad they used their wands to bind the man. Ron gave him a smile before they Apparated back to the office.

"Good work, Mr Potter and Mr Weasley. I gave you a few days to complete this mission and yet you managed to succeed in completing it in one. I must say, your performance is wonderful. I would expect nothing less from the Chosen One and his friend who helped to save our future," Matt Herrows said, smiling at the two Aurors.

Kaine was now undergoing interrogation and Matt, the head of Aurors, was absolutely pleased with Harry and Ron.

While Ron smiled and blushed and tried to brush the compliment off like it did not matter, Harry felt the satisfaction in him from managing to stop a Death Eater drain away, only to be replaced by self-hatred. Chosen One? He had saved their future?

Later that day, Harry lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

Being an Auror was great. He felt as if he could somehow atone for his sins by working on cleaning up the mess he had created. However he did not deserve any credit, It was his mess to clean, after all.

If only…

He sighed and turned to his side, closing his eyes.

He was in the Department of Mysteries and Sirius was fighting along with Harry. He felt his heart break as he watched his Godfather fall through the veil, an echo of his last laugh still on his face.

He felt his hatred and fury grow as he chased after Bellatrix and cast the Cruciatus Curse on her. However, he was not strong enough to inflict pain on her like how she had on so many other people. He had a chance right there to avenge those who suffered because of her but he was too weak to do so.

"You're weak, Potter… if you can't defeat Bella, how do you plan to save the world?" A familiar cold, high-pitched voice taunted him.

"So weak…"

A/N: That was… longer than I expected. So please remember to leave me a review! To those who want me to check out their stories, tell me in a review or PM me and I'll check it out and review. Please tell me one fanfic at a time cuz although I am on holiday, I still have other stuf to do. I'll try to look at everyone's fanfics (if you state it in a review or PM) though. BTW, sorry for the asterisks… I still haven't figured how to do a Page Break properly. Hehe? Merry early Christmas!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: HELLO MY DEAR READERS! **** Merry belated Christmas! BTW, I'm taking down A New Story from my account cuz it's actually a private fanfiction and I uploaded it on a whim. So… yeah. Anyway, thanks to GOKOA, hypertigerchan and cat person for reviewing! **

** GOKOA: LOL I did consider that. However, Harry currently doesn't wish to receive help from anyone- he thinks he deserves to suffer.**

** hypertigerchan: Thank you! **

** cat person: Thanks, I'm writing it now, haha! **

**This chapter is dedicated to GOKOA, hypertigerchan and cat person! **** Your reviews really made me smile.**

**BTW I'm listening to The Script and sucking on a candycane. OK I don't know why I told you that. I'm blaming it on the sugar.**

**Chapter 6**

"Potter, are you even listening to me?"a familiar voice called out to him, irritation clear in the tone.

Harry was jolted out of his thoughts. He glanced up at the man who called him, realizing it was the Head of Aurors who had called him. Crap.

"I'm sorry sir," he said, nodding his head respectfully.

The Head had gathered all the Aurors in Harry's department for a meeting. All thirty of them were seated around an oval table, with the Head standing at the head of the table.

"As I was saying, your performances for this month have been adequate and satisfactory. The thirty of you managed to pass all five missions that you were assigned. Thanks to your hard work, four Death Eaters are now either dead or in Azkaban for the heinous crimes they had committed, and the giants they had with them are now also all captured. The Minister thanks you all for your consistent effort,= and good results. He hopes that you can continue serving justice to the evil in our world," announced the Head, a silver of pride in his voice.

_I wonder if that means justice will be served to me, too,_ mused Harry as he idly twirled his pen between his fingers while staring at the Head, maintaining an attentive front.

As the Head droned on about expectations, performances, statistics and paperwork, Harry's mind drifted to the nightmare he had the previous night.

_He had been in Hogworts and he had seen all of them in the hallways- Fred, Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, his parents, Snape, Collin Creevey, Dumbledore and dozens of faceless others who were all running away from him while screaming his name._

"_Harry! Harry!"_

"_Harry, save me!"_

"_Harry, he's coming!"_

"_Help! I don't want to die, Harry!"_

_However, they were all running in different directions, haunted by figures he could not see and he had not known what to do. He could not see their attackers and he did not know who to save them, much less who to save._

_He tried asking them who was chasing them, he tried to ask them to stop running and all just gather together so he could save all of them at once, but they acted like they could not hear him and continued running and yelling at him to save them, to help them._

_And then he heard Voldemort's voice, and it was pressing in, right into his eardrums, straight into his brain and heart, and he was paralysed, he could not move, he was frozen._

"_Who will you choose?"_

_His head hurt so badly, he just wanted the voice to go away-_

"_Who will you save?"_

_He lunged out, trying to find Voldemort, but suddenly ten Voldemorts appeared, all laughing cruelly, smiling as they watched him stumble around, hands grasping nothing but air, spells hitting nothing._

"_Can you save all of them, Chosen One?"_

_He was crying and yelling now, yes, yes he would save all of them, because he loved them all._

"_Love is not going to save them or you, Harry… In fact, it was your love that killed them."_

_Finally he could stand straight, and he yelled, "No!"_

_However it was too late as he was forced to watch as his friends and family died one by one, their heads turned towards him, tears in their eyes, showing him his own reflection as he stood helpless and afraid. Their voices shouted his name, shouted for his help, and when their voices were silent and their eyes glassy as death claimed them, their lips still formed his name, their hands were still pointing at him, their bodies were facing him, their heads were turned to stare blankly at him._

Sobbing, he tried to find Voldemort, but he was already gone, leaving Harry alone with piles of lifeless bodies, all of them who had sacrificed themselves for him. All of them he could not save.

Harry fought down a shudder. It had been a horrible nightmare.

"You are now dismissed," the Head said, waving them off. Harry instantly got out of his seat and ran to the toilets.

He was gasping for air as if he had run a million times around the earth, and he was sweating as if he could not feel the air conditioning. He splashed water on his face, hoping to calm himself down.

"Potter? Are you alright?" he heard a voice full of concern ask.

He looked up into the mirror to see Draco Malfoy standing behind him.

He mentally cursed in his mind. Why did he slip up today? He had been perfectly fine for the past few months!

"I'm alright, Malfoy, thanks for asking. I think I might be coming down with something. Probably a bug going around," Harry lied through his teeth, using some paper towels to dry his face, hoping his hands were not shaking.

Draco narrowed his eyes. Who was the boy trying to kid? It was obvious he had been badly shaken up.

"I'm not stupid, Harry. You look just like how I did when I was in my sixth-year, when I was forced to do something I did not want to do, and at a heavy price if I were to fail the task," Draco said, taking out his wand to lock the toilet door and casting a spell so that no one would be able to listen in on their conversation. He turned around to face the Gryffindor once more.

"You haven't been sleeping well, have you? You've been having nightmares," he continued in a quiet voice. Noticing Harry's startled look, he added quietly, "I must say, your Glamours are really good, but your eyes give ypi away. Others may not notice it but I will. Your eyes have the same look in them like I once had. You obviously feel extremely conflicted about something, but you refuse to tell anyone."

Harry gathered his wits and said calmly, "I'm sorry, Draco, but you seem to be gravely mistaken. It is true I have not been sleeping well, but that's just a normal, mild case of insomnia that keeps me up at night, not nightmares. Thank you for your concern though."

Draco rolled his eyes. Stupid Gryffindors and their pride. "I've been where you were once, and I'm guessing that you feel this way because you have Survivor's Guilt. What I went through at that time may be slightly different from what you are currently going through, but I understand. You think you caused their deaths, that they died meaninglessly and you could have saved them, but you were too weak to do so. Am I right?"

One look at Harry's face confirmed Draco's question. The green-eyed boy was pale and shocked at someone other than Luna figuring out his heavy secret and burden.

"Let me tell you something, Potter. They did not die meaningless deaths. They died knowing that their lives could end any moment, just like that, but they still fought anyway. They were fighting not for you, but for a better future. They themselves made the choice to fight in the war, it was not like you forced them to or anything. No one would want to die for you, Harry. Take no offense at my words, but it is true. Those who died knew they had family and friends and loved ones waiting for them at home, so they did not want to risk fighting and dying, leaving their loved ones behind. The reason why they fought was to give their own loved ones hope for a better future. You were just there to guide them and kill Voldemort, nothing more, nothing less."

Draco took a deep breath after his semi-speech, staring intently into emerald orbs that were welling up with tears at knowing the truth.

"I understand." Harry croaked out.

That, too, was a lie. Draco could tell. However, he knew that some of his words managed to get through to the brunet. It was just a matter of time before the Saviour saved himself.

**A/N: This wasn't as long as I wanted it to be. Sorry guys but I'm really tired although it's just 6 in the evening at my side. I just finished another chapter for my other story for my other account (if you guys want to read that fic, review or PM me and I'll tell you. The fic there is not as full of angst and sadness as this one is, it's full of humor actually. Well so far it is.) Hence the reason why I am so tired. So are my wrists. I'll be attending a BBQ later, yay! Anyway, I hope you like the chapter; please leave a review, yeah? **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ciaossu! Thanks to everyone who reviewed or put my story on the Favourite/Alert list. Can you guys please leave me a review? It's kind of disheartening how you see only one review for your latest chapter (thanks GOKOA)… I'm not asking you to leave me a really long review, I'll be happy if you just told me what you think in a few words or sentences.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter. I do have a harry potter obsession and I own the plot of this fanfiction, does that count?

**Chapter 7**

"I wish you were still alive. Then maybe you can give me advice on what to do and whether Draco and Luna spoke the truth," Harry said quietly to Dumbledore's tombstone.

He was at Hogworts, trying to sort out his thoughts. It was nighttime, but Professor McGonagall had given him permission to stay for that long.

"I've been thinking, and sometimes what they said does make sense to me. Do you think it's just wishful thinking on my part or am I really not at fault for so many deaths? Sometimes I just wish that I wasn't Harry Potter, the Chosen One. I wish I was just… just Harry Potter, with a normal life."

His words hung in the cool night air, unanswered. He knelt down to gently trace the engravings on the tombstone, his eyes welling with tears as he thought back to that fateful day when he saw Snape murder Dumbledore, when Dumbledore had fallen off the Astronomy Tower…

However Snape had not murdered Dumbledore. He was merely acting on Dumbledore's orders. It was not Snape's fault that Albus died.

How he wished he could say the same for himself that he was not at fault for all the deaths in the war.

"Do you think that it was my fault?"

The question was, of course, left unanswered. Harry slowly rose from Dumbledore's grave and walked away, his footprints making impressions on the freshly-fallen snow.

He Apparated to the cemetery where all those who had fallen in the war were buried. It was a big cemetery and few visitors were there. They paid no attention to him, far more occupied with paying their respects to their loved ones.

He walked down the rows of tombstones, familiar names leaping out at him. He knelt by a row of tombstones.

_Here lies Remus Lupin…_

Here lies Nymphadora Tonks…

He felt his eyes fill up with tears of pain. "I'm so sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm sure you would have been wonderful parents. Teddy is doing fine, by the way. He's really mischievous, though. He ate an entire batch of freshly-baked cookies from Molly despite us warning him it wasn't good for his small stomach last week and fell sick after that. He's fine now, though. He sometimes asks why he doesn't have parents like other children, and that's where I feel really guilty. How exactly do I answer him? So I tell him, every time he asks that question, that his parents were great warriors who fought in the war on the good side. I told him now they're up there, in the sky, looking after him in their own way. Sometimes Teddy doesn't believe me and he becomes really moody and throws a tantrum, but he's sure to come out of his funk a few hours later, and he always apologises to me. He even told me once that he knows I must have been close to you two, since I always look so sad when I mention them. He told me not to be upset, and that he would grow up to be like his parents-always on the good side, always fighting for a better future." Tears slid down flushed cheeks. "He's a true Gryffindor, that one. I know you are proud of him."

_I just wish you could be alive and tell me you are proud of me, too. I wish you were here to tell me what to believe,_ he added silently in his head, his hands clasped and head bowed, as if in reverent prayer.

And in a way, he was.

He was praying for forgiveness

He walked on to another grave after laying flowers on the graves of Tonks and Lupin.

"Fred…"

He took a deep breath and knelt. He began to talk.

He talked to Fred about his twin who was constantly in a daze, as if he was living in his own bubble. He talked about how sometimes George was in his usual good mood, as if Fred was still with him. Everyone could tell George was heartbroken, but they could not provide George with empty words of comfort. He had lost his twin, his other half. No amount of comforting words would make him feel any better. He told Fred how George sometimes still asked Molly and the others where Fred was, why he was late for dinner. At those times, George was at his worst. Molly and everyone would exchange worried glances, not knowing what to do, for though he acted like he had forgotten about Fred's death, they could see the pain in George's eyes- a plea for them to act along, like his twin was still living.

"It's just so horrible seeing him like that, Fred. If you can hear me, will you please visit George in a dream and try convincing him to move on? Can you do that from where you are?" Harry asked softly, laying a bouquet of flowers on Fred's tombstone.

He was kneeling, head bowed, hands clasped, as if in reverent prayer once more.

This time he prayed for someone to understand the pain everyone and him were going through.

"My godfather, I'm so sorry. I could have cleared your name so you could have lived a better life, but I didn't. I wish I did, though. I was just too late."

So he sat and told Sirius of the pain he was going through, the nightmares he had been having.

"I'm so sorry."

He placed both hands on his heart, eyes closed, in prayer once more. This time he was praying to escape the shadows of his heart.

Later, when Dennis Creevey, brother of Collin Creevey, walked to the cemetery where his dear brother was buried, he noticed something strange.

There was a bouquet of flowers on each and every grave in the cemetery, with the same footprints on the snow around each tombstone.

He blinked in amazement. This was the first time someone had done something like this. Next to the bouquet of flowers was a burning candle, a small flame flickering on the wick, protected from the cold by a spell.

Who had done this?

He spun around, trying to find the persom, and finally spotted somebody hurrying away from the cemetery, his back to Dennis. In his hands were another bouquet of flowers, which he lay by the cemetery gate. The stranger waved his wand, and flowers from the bouquet sprung up to entwine themselves around the gate.

"Hey! Was it you who put the flowers and the candles?" Dennis called, jogging up to the stranger.

The stranger froze and hastily Apparated away.

Dennis cocked his head to a side. Why didn't the stranger stop?

"Hey, brother, did you see that? That man was a real nice guy to leave so many flowers and candles here… I wish I knew who he was," Dennis told the tombstone of his brother, a smile on his face.

"I want to thank him for being so incredibly kind."

He was finally at peace.

Harry Potter lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His actions had brought him some closure. Maybe I should thank Luna and Draco for speaking sense into me. If my condition was to spiral out of control and I was to kill myself, I would be leaving so many loved ones behind. They were right; those deaths are not my fault. I had done all I could to protect them. They knew they could die and yet they gladly fought in the war to protect their loved ones. They did not die for me, but for their loved ones. I still don't like being named the Saviour, though. I don't deserve that title-everyone who fought in the war on our side is our own Saviours, Harry thought, rolling over to lie on his side.

Through the window, he could see a rainbow forming in the sky, and the sun appearing to chase away the snow.

Hope appearing, to chase away the shadows, to melt the coldness of your depression.

A new beginning. A fresh start.

What better way to get rid of the shadows of your heart?

**A/N: I am so sad to say that this story, Shadows of a Heart, is now completed. I'm sorry that it was only seven chapters long, but then again, I had not wanted or intended it to be twenty chapters long. I kind of expected it to be ten chapters long, but when I began writing this chapter, I felt a sense of finality. Hence this is the end of SOAH. However, I'm glad to announce that I shall be writing more fanfictions in the future, so be sure to be on the lookout for new fanfictions from me! I thank everyone for their support and please remember to leave a review! I hope this story has been inspirational to you if you are currently going through a tough time. I had my own shadows of a heart and I managed to find a new beginning with the help of my friends and family, hence the slight inspiration for this story. Anyway, school's starting soon so I can't guarantee when my new fanfictions will appear, but if you guys want to read more of my work, PM me or tell me in a review and I shall tell you the name of my other account. Remember to look out for new stories from me in the future and leave a review!**

**Saynora,**

**KaseyDaaeChamberlain**

**P.S. I wish you all a happy start to 2013.**


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